Slowness

I have to confess that I was really slow in my relationship with Natis (Was at least.) I used to think it was going to be easy, that I don't have to do anything to improve relations, that easy... (what a loser) I thought I knew it all and had a lot of confidence. But I was wrong of course. So I've been told I'm "slow" and I hate to admit the truth but I did. In the summer she was very busy and me even more so we couldn't do anything together. I remember once I disobeyed her when she said "don't keep your hopes too high". I did the contrary I'm sorry. I know other times I've hurt her, but deep inside, I'm sorry. I don't think I deserve mercy or pardon but I know that she deserves the whole damn world! I'd be a savage beast if I ain't got her. She is the key to my life, all I ever needed, not asking for more, and she's just perfect for me.

I remember when people would come up to me and say "dude just break up with her so you wont have to go through all this trouble". But I say NO WAY and push them away. I promised myself they'd never tell me what I can or what I can't say. Like I give a damn what they think about our relationship. It was like almost everyone was against me, and I was alone but with Naty, and to succeed all I needed is her, which I did. So I stood up and fought like my parents taught me. Also the meaning of respect and loyalty. I guess I got to thank them for that because it comes into use. Natis your worth more than millions of best friends and sure worth fighting for , and I'm glad I did, hope you are too!

The Days

I don't want to be at home

or home doesn't want me.

I take my phone

the house keys

and running shoes

with money inside the shoes,

I don't like having

pennies and quarters
inside my shoe,

just the bills

with Andrew Jackson in it.

In the Cinta Costera

I run, run away

not from fear

not from home

but to get everything off my mind

and knowing that anyways I have to get back home.

Of months of doing this

has accumulated

miles and miles

of scattered thoughts

and found memories.

I know when I get to the fountains

I have to stop

because I would be the only kid that goes that far

because the street light doesn't shine so much

because you wont find many people past the fountains.

So I rest on a bench

and stare at the ocean and make the cellphone come to use.

Where no one could tell me what to do,

where no one would tell me what to say,

where no one would tell me what to not eat,

where I could face the fear of others

and run into the darkness

with people in hoodies talking with each other

while handing things in plastic bags,

and groups of people staring at you.

Time doesn't matter

'Cause I have all night,

the necessary money

and in good conditions.

So why on Earth should I be afraid

when I don't have to ask for anything more.

That's just how it is

and just how I like it.

Mad Man's Night

The cold gloomy night was disturbed by a gruesome shriek from the lone house next door. I surmise that someone was in pain. Doors were shut around other houses, windows closed and lights turned off. Clad in my robe, I ran to the fridge to relieve my dehydration. I stumbled across the room in desperation and slipped causing an abrasion. Then I made a cursory search for the phone under the pile of papers.

I called the police and in four hours they came to aid me. A grimace crossed my face as they made an electrifying entrance to the scene. Because I was the one who heard the shrieks I was able to corroborate the loud noise. I simulated I could really be of some help but minutes later they went away. Through the window I saw the same man who had always be on the doorstep of that old man for seven days. The police took inventory of the bedroom. Later they told me that the old man was succumbed that night. By some mad man but he was caught so no more shrieks at night.

On a Daily Basis

Ever since the last day of school in 7th grade my mom has made me do all kinds of crap for my physical conditions and all because she knew I would be couch potato. I thought this summer would be the time to relax and wipe out all the bad things that I've done in the school year and just keep it cool. But No!!! Every morning of my summer I wake up at 5:45 in the morning (by my mom/alarm) to go run in the cinta costera. She said minimum of 2 miles. The good thing of going at 5:45 in the morning is that its still a bit cold and chilly and the sun isn't out. Then the bad thing is what you would be thinking, waken up by mom in the morning! Summer! Jogging with mom! Not cool! But then at night around 7pm I run again each day, so that's night and day, same lame routine. Again and again and again. So after I finish running I walk back to my building and run up the stairs.(9 flights of stairs, not much) then I rest and a few minutes later she makes me do 80 or more push ups. It's not my fault I'm not good at math so I don't know if I do 100 or even more but I say who cares. She never tells me the WHY. I just obey. I have to say that I'm still doing this, the only difference now is that I do this at night.

When I come in the house my little sister and her friends tell me that these muscles of mine make me look fat and calling me other names. I stare at the puny little pale girls and just wish they were boys but just until they ran away and locked themselves up in a room. What harm could they make? Same routine every day, what would you expect from me, lame as always huh.

Blogs

The fact that both my parents know everything their is to know about looking at my blog and reading stuff I say about them is really such a shame on myself. Im pretty sure both of them have read my most recent blog which had some real deep thoughts about them. And it makes me wonder. Who do they think I really am? What will they do to me? Have I really changed that much? That same day I came out of the shower and continued my homework on the computer. I saw my mom in my room but I ignored her and as if nothing had happend the whole day. I guess my mom was thinking that I'd be so scared that she read the blog that I would hide in my room forever so thats why she waited in the room. But NO thats not what I do. She decides to follow me to the computer. "Why did you say that." says mom.

I turn my seat around, look at her straight in the eyes and say, " Look, this is one of my best jobs I have done and I'm just describing what I feel about this situation ok so you dont have to freak out about it..." ( Smooth I thought)

"Well... you are a very good writer." she says

"Sureee." I reply.

Mom walks away and I continue with my homework. I guess next time I should pick my word choices more wisely. Before it gets serious.

Success

This year I hope to be successful...
Things haven't been going so smooth with my parents, ever since we left dad alone in the house he's been moody and cranky every day. Mom is very busy this year, she doesn't have time for me or dad.
This year I hope to be successful...
My grades from the past haven't been good enough to impress my mom or even get attention from her. I hate to admit it but I lack the focus and concentration. I don't mind if she doesn't care, I just mind my own business and try not to get involved. But she pulls me right back in and every day I'm fighting for what I believe. I hate to admit it, but I lack the focus and concentration.
This year I hope to be successful...
I'm in perfect conditions for speed and strength, I should feel proud of myself but I can't when my dad's criticizing me every single day. After all, he's the one that told me to get better for my own good. After all, I'm the one taking orders and executing them without any flaws. Because that's the way he taught me to and that's the way he wants it.
This year I hope to be successful...
I get a phone call from my girlfriend, but my dad ignores the call and shuts it down. He tells me I can answer back but only once I finish my chores. But he doesn't know better, he doesn't know how much I care for her and how much I idolize her.
I know what it means when my dad stands in the doorway with the belt and its strap.
I know what it means when my dad stands in my way with his hands on his hips.
Every weekend my dad tells me, " I need the floors mopped, dishes washed, windows clear, clothes washed." And I would say "yes sir". Then he would grab my head and tilt it towards the furniture and point at the little spec of dust, I know what that meant.
When I was younger he used to tell me, " straighten up that back... plant your feet on the ground...want me to give you a reason to cry?"
This year I hope to be successful...
Not asking for much, I never have, just success.